July 28 2026

In a foul fucking mood now.

Chores and selling my items and mopping my floors and googling "Will sunburn make my hair fall out?" and fighting with my friends because I am burnt out and trying to find a car for my brother so he can get a job so he can make money so my mom doesn't have to call me anymore upset about paying for him and he doesn't think he's killing her by being a deadbeat. Grocery shopping and sending work emails and logging tasks into Compass and doing laundry in the washing machine that bangs and bangs and thuds and bangs and squeaks and cooking dinner and planning dinner and cooking dinner and planning dinner. Waking up earlier and making sure my girlfriend remembers her lunch and making her coffee and asking her to clean the bathtub which she won't do and she won't do it until I cave and do it myself because it is gross and folding my clothes and trying to find time to stretch and cleaning the toilet and cleaning the toilet and cleaning the toilet. Waxing my legs and poking my face with a needle and scheduling a haircut and cleaning the fridge and my growing list of work tasks and watering the plants and vacuuming and cleaning the litter box and cleaning her water bowl and cleaning the living room and scheduling the cat grooming and selling more things online and sending emails and answering Jess' questions about how to get an apartment and telling my brother exactly how to catch a train.

July 24 2026

I really value my time in the gym but I feel like I am not getting enough outside time. I hope to go camping this fall. I am so focused on this upcoming trip, I hardly think about anything else.

July 19 2026

I have more to say but right now it is ... all that is on my mind is sex. I'm going crazy with it. Sex with my girlfriend, group sex, sex with other persons.... I'm going insane.

July 17 2026

We just aren't having sex.

I take care of my body and expect to be rewarded with something like improving eyesight. Where is my prize!?

July 14 2026

Back to reading shit fanfic. I need to go shopping for Spain. I don't know what to wear. I have not been as good at getting organized as I usually am. I feel so tired. The only thing I can manage is exercising.

Sometimes reading romance makes me sad. She doesn't cup my face. We are in a weird routine. I know she loves me but I feel a bit touch-starved. I feel like I have to instigate everything.

July 13 2026

The new washer they brought is already broken. It makes such loud noises on the spin cycle. I fought with my friend yesterday and my girlfriend is miserable at her job and I haven't been camping at all this summer. My apartment is a mess. I feel so depressed today.

July 10 2026

I made a discord and permitted myself to join a lesbian discord server. I'm always so embarrassed about making internet friends but we'll see!

Every single book I have a hold on in Libby is NOT AVAILABLE!!!!!!!!

I listen to Drunk Driver//Killer Whales and I think to myself, I am so happy I am not 18. I am so happy my life is brighter than the dim lit parking lot where I am having miserable, harmful, drugged car sex. I am so happy I feel more like myself than I did then.

July 8 2026

It was a long hot weekend. I walked away from the crowded family dance party in the small beach shack to cry. I always melt into a weepy drunk. I spent time with a precious baby. Sometimes, I worry my place in this whole world is rocky and unstable. Who am I to this baby? I don't like to be in the group family photos because I don't know where I belong.

I've been focusing too much on my food intake. I am obsessive about being healthy. My knees keep getting worse and I can't stop freaking out about it. There's more obsessive things to write about but I don't feel motivated at all. I should focus on sewing and exercising this weekend.

July 4 2026

I think I'm realizing that I want a daughter. I think I'm sad that I don't know if I'll ever be able to afford to do that.